yesterday.all suited up and looking serious.
headed to the city for the killer interview (hundredth stage)of a job i had been on since GOD knows when.after a series of ping pong calls,phone interviews,assesment etc.
i looked at the tower building and KNEW i belonged there.went in..all the works...
company info spilled to me again,where i fit in,i talk talk talk,we laugh,i will hear a decision in 24hours.
fast forward today...no twenty minutes ago...
the woman calls me...and i heard a first here,we don't want to let you go,but we had a better suited candidate for the role you applied for,another opening is coming up in a few weeks that we KNOW you are better suited for.
HUHN??
so now i APPLIED for the wrong role,you mugus interviewed and stressed me for two months,for that wrong role,you saw and assesed and approved my CV based on the wrong role.
i GAVE up an interview with a top insurance firm because of this wrong role.you invite me for a face to face interview which is the last step in the selection process,after countless online assesments and tests.
AND YOU NOW FERKING TELL ME,THAT I,CROUCHING ANGEL,AM BETTER SUITED FOR ANOTHER ROLE COMING UP IN A FEW WEEKS.
is that because i look like a psycho and you NEED to let me down gently so i DONT go loco on your arses?
WAKA TO YOU PEOPLE.
anyway,my first love is more of a creative role.
and i'm hoping to work with a magazine thats hitting the stands in a big way very soon.
the pay might be less than you snooty city wankers but at least im doing something i love.
murrasuckers
who sent me message sef??
shiooooo
I AM SOOOOOOO PISSED.IM GOING FOR A VERRRRYYY LONG WALK TO CLEAR MY HEAD.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
WHATS MY FINE?
I STOLE THIS OFF SOMEONES BLOG,and i love it. the max fine per offense is $100
Smoked pot -- $70
Ever had sex at church -- $0
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next toyou-- $30
Had sex with someone you met on MySpace/Blogger/Facebook/Hi5 etc -- $60
Had sex for money -- $40
Ever had sex with the a different race -- $100
Vandalized something -- $90
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $0
Beat up someone -- $30
Been jumped -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $90
Drugged at a club -- $0
Been in love with a stripper -- $0
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $60
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $50
Ever drive drunk -- $0
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $60
Used toys while having sex --$100
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $40
Gone skinny dipping -- $70
Had sex in a pool -- $60
Kissed someone of the same sex-- $30
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $0
Cheated on your significant other -- $30
Masturbated -- $70
Watched porn -- $100
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or closefriend --$0
Done oral -- $90
Got oral --$90
got oral in a car while it was moving -- $0
Stole something -- $50
Had sex with someone in jail -- $0
Made a nasty home video -- $25
Had a threesome -- $40
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $70
Stole something worth more than a hundred dollars-- $0
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $80
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $0
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $15
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $45
Gone streaking -- $10
Been arrested -- $0
Spent time in jail -- $0
Peed in the pool -- $10
Played spin the bottle -- $55
Done something you regret -- $50
Had sex with your best friend -- $0
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $0
Lied to your mate -- $40
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $65
Stole meat from the pot -- $100
Lied about stealing meat from the pot -- $100
I AM SCARED TO DO THE SUM TOTAL...STOPPED ADDING UP AFTER I REACHED OVER A GRAND AND A HALF.
Smoked pot -- $70
Ever had sex at church -- $0
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next toyou-- $30
Had sex with someone you met on MySpace/Blogger/Facebook/Hi5 etc -- $60
Had sex for money -- $40
Ever had sex with the a different race -- $100
Vandalized something -- $90
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $0
Beat up someone -- $30
Been jumped -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $90
Drugged at a club -- $0
Been in love with a stripper -- $0
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $60
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $50
Ever drive drunk -- $0
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $60
Used toys while having sex --$100
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $40
Gone skinny dipping -- $70
Had sex in a pool -- $60
Kissed someone of the same sex-- $30
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $0
Cheated on your significant other -- $30
Masturbated -- $70
Watched porn -- $100
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or closefriend --$0
Done oral -- $90
Got oral --$90
got oral in a car while it was moving -- $0
Stole something -- $50
Had sex with someone in jail -- $0
Made a nasty home video -- $25
Had a threesome -- $40
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $70
Stole something worth more than a hundred dollars-- $0
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $80
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $0
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $15
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $45
Gone streaking -- $10
Been arrested -- $0
Spent time in jail -- $0
Peed in the pool -- $10
Played spin the bottle -- $55
Done something you regret -- $50
Had sex with your best friend -- $0
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $0
Lied to your mate -- $40
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $65
Stole meat from the pot -- $100
Lied about stealing meat from the pot -- $100
I AM SCARED TO DO THE SUM TOTAL...STOPPED ADDING UP AFTER I REACHED OVER A GRAND AND A HALF.
Catalogue of Menories;DUNE PT 2
So we got into year four,life was suddenly brighter,i finally decided to grow my hair.summer that year was fantastic,came back "tusher".Dad for some reason didnt see anything wrong in us buying about five pairs of shoes for school.and trust in a pretentious school like mine,you suddenly earned baffer status or cool status.as if i cared.
left to me i would wear my brown sandals,hike my fucking socks,carry my shuttle bag and have my usual afro,gorimapa,or brother johnson haircut.
and a few baffs was thrown in too, and was i made?or was i made?
well,Miss Bibi had a party that later became a staple.she had them every year till we graduuated.
i can never forget what i wore.i mean my FIRST major party,as in Bibi was kinda cool in a way that though people hated her guts,you still wanted HER at YOUR parties.
anyway,me and her had a kind of bond.though i havent seen her in like what now?thirteen years?
hmm...how time flies.
so i wore a very short mini skirt,lacey tights(WHAT?laugh at me oh,aren't leggings/tights back?)and this black and white half shirt.(monochrome babies)
my hair?standard,pack the back and have one nonsense tonged bangs in front.
there i was thinking i looked hot.funny enough my Daddy dropped me off with his driver.and he was taking style to eye my shirt skirt.i just carried my eyes like i couldnt see.
till i walked in and Gogo was wearing almost the same thing.oh well i like her,though i was pissed,hell she was probably thinking the same thing.
party is going on great.large house,music,food.excellent.
then time to start dancing.
well i knew i looked good,but was i still sufferng from that ugly duckling syndrome?
as usual,me and my rolldog lets call her Miss Keys,(no she CANNOT sing a note)started dancing together,as girls do.just in case no guy comes to "excuse me dance".
at least we would have looked "in control" right?
then he walks in...as usual,it was like royalty holding court.he had the latest clothes,shoes shined to within an inch of its life.hair?how high can you go?with some tint in it?
fresh from "jand" of course.
everyone had missed him.
dune this,dune that.
all checking him out.
abegii he had only been gone for what?two years?why all the fuss?
i didnt even get excited,just at that point had my mind on the rice and dodo i saw being transported from one end of the room to the other.
and it looked serious...
then i will NEVER forget.
he walks up to me,says hello,i mumble hiiii...in that..okaayyyy so??what do you want kinda fashion.
and he asks me to dance.
and we danced and danced and danced and danced.
he just didnt let me go.we didn't talk much.just kept on holding ourselves and dancing and dancing.
the first song we danced to was "remember the times" by michael jackson.
i wonder does he still remember?
that song never fails to bring a tear to my eye anytime i remember it.
it reminds me of innocense,youth,days gone past.
after we were able to unglue ourselves from one another,we went to like a semi-outside kinda place and just sat,and talked.no wait..we didnt talk much.not that day.we just sat and held hands.
and smiled like two silly idiots.
but it was pure.
he tried to kiss me,i promised him one fine slap should he dare.
of course Gossip mill had started to overdrive.
the words on everyones lips.
DID YOU SEE DUNE ACTUALLY DANCE WITH CROUCHING ANGEL?
HOW FAR?
WHATS THE CONNECTION?
DOES HE LIKE HER?..more like can he like someone like "her"?
that was my first real "adult" like dance.
at a school dance,i had only ever danced with Miss Keys brother,and another grade school friend.nobody else.you can imagine dancing with those you went to grade school with.in form 2.loads of eyeing,warning and stuff like that.more playful.
so it was exciting.i was a big girl now..or so i thought.
well dune and i started something that in a funny way lasted 4 years.on and off.
and lets not be forming,but i'm talking sometime back here,where the thought of having a boyfriend was enough to send mumsys into the cardiac ward.nowadays i laugh when i see how mums have chilled.especially mine,Miss Keys,etc.
and my mum dont play like that.she would whoop your arse till the cows come home if she found out.
but hey,i've always been intelligent,smart and i always found a way around it.
i dint see him after that party for a little while.
until...another party happened.
and i landed,he came too(he was returned to lagos due to bad boy behaviour in london)so he was back permanently all "phonetic" speaking,fineness,best dancer around etc etc.
then at that party,i had my first kiss.and it lasted hours.
we kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed.
and you know what?
i just couldnt care who was watching or who wanted to watch.
oh yeah i got called names.
from ashi,to this and that.
all because i kissed a guy,that i knew i liked?at the age of what?over 13 at least?
but i couldnt be bugged,give them something to talk about has stayed my motto from then.
he just kept holding me tight and laughing and kissing and right now,im in tears because it was so beautiful.
and then he had to go.
oh,oh,oh,,,leaving me to the lions...
then some foolish boys felt they could come and try their luck.
if only they knew that on that night,i had discovered something within myself.
i KNEW that i was DAMN SEXY.and there was no man i couldnt have unless i didnt want him.so I gave myself the power to CHOOSE,nobody could tell me how it could be anymore.
i just got this sense of confidence?
self awareness?
its difficult to explain.
they only tried,but on that night DUNE had connected with something in me.and it took four years before it could be broken.
left to me i would wear my brown sandals,hike my fucking socks,carry my shuttle bag and have my usual afro,gorimapa,or brother johnson haircut.
and a few baffs was thrown in too, and was i made?or was i made?
well,Miss Bibi had a party that later became a staple.she had them every year till we graduuated.
i can never forget what i wore.i mean my FIRST major party,as in Bibi was kinda cool in a way that though people hated her guts,you still wanted HER at YOUR parties.
anyway,me and her had a kind of bond.though i havent seen her in like what now?thirteen years?
hmm...how time flies.
so i wore a very short mini skirt,lacey tights(WHAT?laugh at me oh,aren't leggings/tights back?)and this black and white half shirt.(monochrome babies)
my hair?standard,pack the back and have one nonsense tonged bangs in front.
there i was thinking i looked hot.funny enough my Daddy dropped me off with his driver.and he was taking style to eye my shirt skirt.i just carried my eyes like i couldnt see.
till i walked in and Gogo was wearing almost the same thing.oh well i like her,though i was pissed,hell she was probably thinking the same thing.
party is going on great.large house,music,food.excellent.
then time to start dancing.
well i knew i looked good,but was i still sufferng from that ugly duckling syndrome?
as usual,me and my rolldog lets call her Miss Keys,(no she CANNOT sing a note)started dancing together,as girls do.just in case no guy comes to "excuse me dance".
at least we would have looked "in control" right?
then he walks in...as usual,it was like royalty holding court.he had the latest clothes,shoes shined to within an inch of its life.hair?how high can you go?with some tint in it?
fresh from "jand" of course.
everyone had missed him.
dune this,dune that.
all checking him out.
abegii he had only been gone for what?two years?why all the fuss?
i didnt even get excited,just at that point had my mind on the rice and dodo i saw being transported from one end of the room to the other.
and it looked serious...
then i will NEVER forget.
he walks up to me,says hello,i mumble hiiii...in that..okaayyyy so??what do you want kinda fashion.
and he asks me to dance.
and we danced and danced and danced and danced.
he just didnt let me go.we didn't talk much.just kept on holding ourselves and dancing and dancing.
the first song we danced to was "remember the times" by michael jackson.
i wonder does he still remember?
that song never fails to bring a tear to my eye anytime i remember it.
it reminds me of innocense,youth,days gone past.
after we were able to unglue ourselves from one another,we went to like a semi-outside kinda place and just sat,and talked.no wait..we didnt talk much.not that day.we just sat and held hands.
and smiled like two silly idiots.
but it was pure.
he tried to kiss me,i promised him one fine slap should he dare.
of course Gossip mill had started to overdrive.
the words on everyones lips.
DID YOU SEE DUNE ACTUALLY DANCE WITH CROUCHING ANGEL?
HOW FAR?
WHATS THE CONNECTION?
DOES HE LIKE HER?..more like can he like someone like "her"?
that was my first real "adult" like dance.
at a school dance,i had only ever danced with Miss Keys brother,and another grade school friend.nobody else.you can imagine dancing with those you went to grade school with.in form 2.loads of eyeing,warning and stuff like that.more playful.
so it was exciting.i was a big girl now..or so i thought.
well dune and i started something that in a funny way lasted 4 years.on and off.
and lets not be forming,but i'm talking sometime back here,where the thought of having a boyfriend was enough to send mumsys into the cardiac ward.nowadays i laugh when i see how mums have chilled.especially mine,Miss Keys,etc.
and my mum dont play like that.she would whoop your arse till the cows come home if she found out.
but hey,i've always been intelligent,smart and i always found a way around it.
i dint see him after that party for a little while.
until...another party happened.
and i landed,he came too(he was returned to lagos due to bad boy behaviour in london)so he was back permanently all "phonetic" speaking,fineness,best dancer around etc etc.
then at that party,i had my first kiss.and it lasted hours.
we kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed.
and you know what?
i just couldnt care who was watching or who wanted to watch.
oh yeah i got called names.
from ashi,to this and that.
all because i kissed a guy,that i knew i liked?at the age of what?over 13 at least?
but i couldnt be bugged,give them something to talk about has stayed my motto from then.
he just kept holding me tight and laughing and kissing and right now,im in tears because it was so beautiful.
and then he had to go.
oh,oh,oh,,,leaving me to the lions...
then some foolish boys felt they could come and try their luck.
if only they knew that on that night,i had discovered something within myself.
i KNEW that i was DAMN SEXY.and there was no man i couldnt have unless i didnt want him.so I gave myself the power to CHOOSE,nobody could tell me how it could be anymore.
i just got this sense of confidence?
self awareness?
its difficult to explain.
they only tried,but on that night DUNE had connected with something in me.and it took four years before it could be broken.
Catalogue of Menories:DUNE
i will call him dune,just a play on his name.
he was my very first everything..kiss..sex..
well,how do i start,i went to one of those pretentious elitist schools in naija.i mean when it came to education,Dad went all the way.
well i didn't really fit in with the school.i wasn't exactly cool.(classic first child syndrome).you have nobody to learn from,you just grapple along and either learn to be cool,carve something for yourself,stay a nerd,or just exist.
anyway,it was the equivalent of form one.and i remember my first day in school vividly.
i wore a GOWN.well who didnt.but mine was different.it just HAD to be.
it had a bow tie,with a HUGE diamante cut diamond styled stone in the middle of the bowtie.it was a silver and black dress.and i wore it with my sandals(brown)and white socks,stretched over my ankle to within an inch of its life.
i felt lost that day,infact i cried secretly in the bathroom.there i was coming from a posher school,where i was in the "in" gang.and in all honesty i had never schooled with so many nigerians in a lonnnggg while.because i started off at a grade school,then i changed to a foreign one,and then THIS??
well i saw a few faces i recognised,very few i might add.
and everyone was of the st.saviours,corona background.
everyone was so "clicky".summer here,dinner at this persons home etc.
i felt like an outsider most of the time.the thing was i was always different in that "my own identity" type of way.
i was brutally honest,very humble.
i mean i am the girl who cried during swimming lessons because a classmate mentioned that she had counted the tenth posh car that had come to drop me off during the week.
yes i cried because i truly felt uncomfortable for the world to know that we had nice cars.
and i was the little bitch who told a classmate that her accent was obviously fake because she lives in ibadan and cannot have an american accent.
anyway,it was form one right?
so what did we all REALLY know.
but i KNEW i was an outsider.
but i loved myself for one thing.i NEVER EVER "followed" the in crowd.
if they wanted to know,let them say hello.
i just dont do gangs or clicks.
my friends are my friends.no matter how uncool,or normal.or wild or even cool.
well in that firstt year,tight friendships were formed,some have lasted the almost twenty years its been.some have disintegrated beyond help.
when in the first year,we were sent to classes based on some dumb idea,i found myself in class with the boy who even I know and can vouch loved me.
but not then though.
how old were we?lol
but then it was a childish kind of thing.
he was the coolest guy in school,best dancer,best clothes,good looks,etc.
i mean how could HE want me.?
was i not the same girl some mixed race cunt saw and said unknown to her that i could hear that
"if i come to this school,do you guys expect me to turn out to be like her?"
and THEY all laughed uncomfortably,that follow follow mentally didn't make them say,no,you dont talk about people like that.
i wasn't always hundred percent confident then,if na today she no even fit.but then,i was so pained.i just sat looking like a goat.a very red eyed goat.
yes vanessa,u don't talk about people like that.
you should see me now bitch.i'm HOTTTT.
i saw you at eleven forty five on one of my breaks home,and nobody understood why i was laughing.we were introduced,and you babes LOOKED LIKE SHIT!!
then i heard your story.basically by naija standards,the only thing you can EVER have going for you and you can keep banking on and hoping it carries you far is your yellow paw paw status.and thats only for the aristo men i heard you now follow up and down.because the youngins avoid you.
so hottt did i look that even those gossip mags HAD to mention it.
but as we know,when you take a shit,you dont remember,but those who clean up and stink it always remember.
i danced harder that day,because i just felt good.
you didn't remember me.but i KNOW you would have heard of me.
what a life.
there i go drifting again....but i was a serious man olodo then.
it never clicked to me that there was a reason why he always chased me a little harder,gave me more candy,held my hand when another friend of mine was upset because a guy said he dreamt of seeing her naked,(she got upset,i got upset,i mean HOW DARE HE see her naked in his dreams).lol lol lol
well DUNE was fun,we had a glorious year one.
and then...we moved unto second year,and my madness started,i just didnt see any point in saying hello to you.
your friends(And you had a gang of them,always willing to please you)always came up to me ask why i wasnt talking to you.
but i think i had become self aware.
i mean what are those two things sprouting on my chest?
i hated that,i just couldnt RUN around and let you chase me anymore?
i mean this changes in my body,isn't that what made Miss Drama Queen of our class in year one cry uncontrollably because TY TY touched her on the day she was on her period?and WE KNEW she was going to get pregnant?
i didnt want to get pregnant if you touched me or brushed against me.
so i avoided you.
i didnt feel anything for you then...
well year two was uneventful.my most difficult year.
things were happening at home,school work was just so hard.
and well...i just didnt have the time.
friendships were re-formed.everyone was now trying to floss harder and be cool.
as for me i just didnt give.
i still maintained my afro,my sandals and my over the knee socks.i couldnt be fucked to sit with an onidiri every sunday just to look fine.FOR WHO?
alek wek rocks originality and she still is fine?not so?
but now?dont try my long arse extensions oh...
hmmm..life is funny
well year three you travel out of the country..how cool was that to go continue your studies..i didnt even notice until you just didnt come back.
year three was pretty eventful.it was the year of jss...so no messing around.the fear of repeaating made us all buckle up.
i passed...
and moved unto year four...which is where it started to shele.......
he was my very first everything..kiss..sex..
well,how do i start,i went to one of those pretentious elitist schools in naija.i mean when it came to education,Dad went all the way.
well i didn't really fit in with the school.i wasn't exactly cool.(classic first child syndrome).you have nobody to learn from,you just grapple along and either learn to be cool,carve something for yourself,stay a nerd,or just exist.
anyway,it was the equivalent of form one.and i remember my first day in school vividly.
i wore a GOWN.well who didnt.but mine was different.it just HAD to be.
it had a bow tie,with a HUGE diamante cut diamond styled stone in the middle of the bowtie.it was a silver and black dress.and i wore it with my sandals(brown)and white socks,stretched over my ankle to within an inch of its life.
i felt lost that day,infact i cried secretly in the bathroom.there i was coming from a posher school,where i was in the "in" gang.and in all honesty i had never schooled with so many nigerians in a lonnnggg while.because i started off at a grade school,then i changed to a foreign one,and then THIS??
well i saw a few faces i recognised,very few i might add.
and everyone was of the st.saviours,corona background.
everyone was so "clicky".summer here,dinner at this persons home etc.
i felt like an outsider most of the time.the thing was i was always different in that "my own identity" type of way.
i was brutally honest,very humble.
i mean i am the girl who cried during swimming lessons because a classmate mentioned that she had counted the tenth posh car that had come to drop me off during the week.
yes i cried because i truly felt uncomfortable for the world to know that we had nice cars.
and i was the little bitch who told a classmate that her accent was obviously fake because she lives in ibadan and cannot have an american accent.
anyway,it was form one right?
so what did we all REALLY know.
but i KNEW i was an outsider.
but i loved myself for one thing.i NEVER EVER "followed" the in crowd.
if they wanted to know,let them say hello.
i just dont do gangs or clicks.
my friends are my friends.no matter how uncool,or normal.or wild or even cool.
well in that firstt year,tight friendships were formed,some have lasted the almost twenty years its been.some have disintegrated beyond help.
when in the first year,we were sent to classes based on some dumb idea,i found myself in class with the boy who even I know and can vouch loved me.
but not then though.
how old were we?lol
but then it was a childish kind of thing.
he was the coolest guy in school,best dancer,best clothes,good looks,etc.
i mean how could HE want me.?
was i not the same girl some mixed race cunt saw and said unknown to her that i could hear that
"if i come to this school,do you guys expect me to turn out to be like her?"
and THEY all laughed uncomfortably,that follow follow mentally didn't make them say,no,you dont talk about people like that.
i wasn't always hundred percent confident then,if na today she no even fit.but then,i was so pained.i just sat looking like a goat.a very red eyed goat.
yes vanessa,u don't talk about people like that.
you should see me now bitch.i'm HOTTTT.
i saw you at eleven forty five on one of my breaks home,and nobody understood why i was laughing.we were introduced,and you babes LOOKED LIKE SHIT!!
then i heard your story.basically by naija standards,the only thing you can EVER have going for you and you can keep banking on and hoping it carries you far is your yellow paw paw status.and thats only for the aristo men i heard you now follow up and down.because the youngins avoid you.
so hottt did i look that even those gossip mags HAD to mention it.
but as we know,when you take a shit,you dont remember,but those who clean up and stink it always remember.
i danced harder that day,because i just felt good.
you didn't remember me.but i KNOW you would have heard of me.
what a life.
there i go drifting again....but i was a serious man olodo then.
it never clicked to me that there was a reason why he always chased me a little harder,gave me more candy,held my hand when another friend of mine was upset because a guy said he dreamt of seeing her naked,(she got upset,i got upset,i mean HOW DARE HE see her naked in his dreams).lol lol lol
well DUNE was fun,we had a glorious year one.
and then...we moved unto second year,and my madness started,i just didnt see any point in saying hello to you.
your friends(And you had a gang of them,always willing to please you)always came up to me ask why i wasnt talking to you.
but i think i had become self aware.
i mean what are those two things sprouting on my chest?
i hated that,i just couldnt RUN around and let you chase me anymore?
i mean this changes in my body,isn't that what made Miss Drama Queen of our class in year one cry uncontrollably because TY TY touched her on the day she was on her period?and WE KNEW she was going to get pregnant?
i didnt want to get pregnant if you touched me or brushed against me.
so i avoided you.
i didnt feel anything for you then...
well year two was uneventful.my most difficult year.
things were happening at home,school work was just so hard.
and well...i just didnt have the time.
friendships were re-formed.everyone was now trying to floss harder and be cool.
as for me i just didnt give.
i still maintained my afro,my sandals and my over the knee socks.i couldnt be fucked to sit with an onidiri every sunday just to look fine.FOR WHO?
alek wek rocks originality and she still is fine?not so?
but now?dont try my long arse extensions oh...
hmmm..life is funny
well year three you travel out of the country..how cool was that to go continue your studies..i didnt even notice until you just didnt come back.
year three was pretty eventful.it was the year of jss...so no messing around.the fear of repeaating made us all buckle up.
i passed...
and moved unto year four...which is where it started to shele.......
CATALOGUE OF MENORIES
yes,i deliberately said "MENORIES" for a reason.
my next couple of posts will cover journeys down MENORY lane.
thats to mean,experiences,and memories from days gone past.WITH MEN.
some are funny,sad,stupid,unbelievable,desperate?,etc.
but its honest and all a part of a growing process.a learning curve.
so here goes.......
my next couple of posts will cover journeys down MENORY lane.
thats to mean,experiences,and memories from days gone past.WITH MEN.
some are funny,sad,stupid,unbelievable,desperate?,etc.
but its honest and all a part of a growing process.a learning curve.
so here goes.......
How many times can a woman fall in love?OR love??
I remember a long time ago,i read somewhere that there is a difference between loving and falling in love.
i don't know how far that is true.but i know i have loved so many times,and have been hurt an equal amount of times.
for some reason,i just always seem to meet the "wrong" ones?
and the "right" ones just didn't seem to click.there was always something.
BUT only one has ever come close.just one.and that is the "Godfather"
one day i will tell the story of him.
at a stage i was searching for what my dad was not in men.and it was hard.because then,i just never gave anybody a chance.i mean,a chance like once they fuck up,i just show them the door.
how many men have i dated??
countless.almost illegal to mention the number.
BUT its just because i feel a need to love and be loved.like there is a void in me that is just on permanent empty.YET nothing,and nobody has been able to fill it.
right now,i don't even know whether i am single or dating.all i know is that the one who is kinda there now,is just.............
it's like i am obsessed with relationships because i BELIEVE deep down somewhere that i will find that lasting love.
and in the process of wanting to find this love.i HAVE BEEN THERE...and when i say been there i mean been there.
last week i was praying or should i say talking to God.and you know,i asked God that if i can have wealth,means and power,i dont mind forgoing love.
because its like a strain on my heart now.i just dont have that strength in me anymore.
**someone saw a picture of naomi campbell today and asked if that was me..oohhh....well what does it matter that he is 54,usually wears glasses,white,and probably thinks all black chicks look alike.but hey,i was still chuffed.***
okay back to my story.that could be the story of so many many many many men and women.
why do we want LOVE?
i mean its weird that such a little four letter world has caused so much havoc.
i heard a true life story of a young lady who was admitted into a mental home and was so deranged she was sticking all her fingers up her lady bits and kept on shouting the name of her lover who scorned her.she was sectioned of course.
when you hear the trials of so many people,it just makes one wonder why??
IS LOVE Gods punishment to us?
placing it there amongst us knowing fully well that you just can NEVER fully know what the other is truly thinking or feeling?
YET blindly,feeling your way along?HOPING it is true?and real?
and the lengths some would go to attain this love.resorting to voodoo,manipulation,stalking,obsession.
and that first heart-break.
damn,it feels like hell.
like pure hell.
along the way i know something has broken in me.
i just know.
i dont know how to explain it.
atimes i sit back and think,did i go wrong somewhere?
did i take a wrong turn with A,B,C,OR D?
would things have turned out different if i had dated so and so?
or is this TRULY how it is meant to be?
i wonder??
i don't know how far that is true.but i know i have loved so many times,and have been hurt an equal amount of times.
for some reason,i just always seem to meet the "wrong" ones?
and the "right" ones just didn't seem to click.there was always something.
BUT only one has ever come close.just one.and that is the "Godfather"
one day i will tell the story of him.
at a stage i was searching for what my dad was not in men.and it was hard.because then,i just never gave anybody a chance.i mean,a chance like once they fuck up,i just show them the door.
how many men have i dated??
countless.almost illegal to mention the number.
BUT its just because i feel a need to love and be loved.like there is a void in me that is just on permanent empty.YET nothing,and nobody has been able to fill it.
right now,i don't even know whether i am single or dating.all i know is that the one who is kinda there now,is just.............
it's like i am obsessed with relationships because i BELIEVE deep down somewhere that i will find that lasting love.
and in the process of wanting to find this love.i HAVE BEEN THERE...and when i say been there i mean been there.
last week i was praying or should i say talking to God.and you know,i asked God that if i can have wealth,means and power,i dont mind forgoing love.
because its like a strain on my heart now.i just dont have that strength in me anymore.
**someone saw a picture of naomi campbell today and asked if that was me..oohhh....well what does it matter that he is 54,usually wears glasses,white,and probably thinks all black chicks look alike.but hey,i was still chuffed.***
okay back to my story.that could be the story of so many many many many men and women.
why do we want LOVE?
i mean its weird that such a little four letter world has caused so much havoc.
i heard a true life story of a young lady who was admitted into a mental home and was so deranged she was sticking all her fingers up her lady bits and kept on shouting the name of her lover who scorned her.she was sectioned of course.
when you hear the trials of so many people,it just makes one wonder why??
IS LOVE Gods punishment to us?
placing it there amongst us knowing fully well that you just can NEVER fully know what the other is truly thinking or feeling?
YET blindly,feeling your way along?HOPING it is true?and real?
and the lengths some would go to attain this love.resorting to voodoo,manipulation,stalking,obsession.
and that first heart-break.
damn,it feels like hell.
like pure hell.
along the way i know something has broken in me.
i just know.
i dont know how to explain it.
atimes i sit back and think,did i go wrong somewhere?
did i take a wrong turn with A,B,C,OR D?
would things have turned out different if i had dated so and so?
or is this TRULY how it is meant to be?
i wonder??
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
THE GENESIS
It all happened some twenty something years ago.
in that town "running splash of rust and gold".
Mum met Dad,and they tried for a little bit before they had me.
wasn't the best looking baby,i was told,but damn,did i grow into my looks.
nowadays i hear "wow" "damn" etc.YES,even i know God did a damn good job on me.
so much for ugly duckling eh??
Dad..hmm..my daddy,daddy mi.my number one love,it went wrong,but he still stayed my number one love.
he became one of the best in his fields,celebrated all over the country.a bit of an "aristocrat" if you get what i mean.noble background as far as african nobility goes.and not in that sense of "everyone is called ade and everyone has a king for a father"
he was a true blue blood.
Mum,the strongest woman i know.became a domestic engineer(i just love that word).
she was pushed to her limit,yet like the phoenix,she kept rising.at a point in my life i hated her.that is the truth.but it was borne out of an obsessive love for my dad.
i think in a way i had a sort of electra complex..in a way i said.
but with time the truth started to unfold,the scales fell off.
and i realised that my dad wasn't the perfect idol i saw him as.
i grew up hating him then.well deep inside i loved him more than my mum.but a part of me hated him for what he put her through.
oh yeah they lived the life.expensive trips,more expensive gifts,etc.but there was something just off.something was never right with my family.
it was like a three legged chair.,,but the type that's meant to have four legs.
it just would never stay balanced for long.
Dad was moslem,mum was a christian.
she was born to a poor or should i say basic family.
but she was principled.and atimes dads family tried to look down on her.thinking she was just the opportunist daughter of poor peasants.
wanksters.
Mum hustled to get to where she was before she met Dad.
NOBODY can say she never paid her dues in life.
and even when she met Dad,he didn't have much.He was one of those types who wanted to make it on their own.
and boy did he..
He lifted his family name.and through him,we became known.
Some have said she was just the spoilt wife of a "rich" man.
hmm..if only they knew.
where they there when the pocket literally dried up?
Everything just wasn't what it looked like.
atimes even I felt like i was peering through a key hole into MY own life and watching everyone else carrying on.and i wondered.W.T.F. is going on.?
and i kept on wondering...as events unfolded.
what a life.
theirs was some romance story.
maybe one day i might say it.....
but one thing i learnt from them is that atimes love runs deeper than what a lot of us see or think we know.
let us cut out all that "if my man cheats on me,i will leave his ass"
there are some people in this world who were just born to be together.
no matter what.
no matter what.
Mum loved Dad with something none of us understood.
i hated her for that,because i saw it as a weakness.
like she was being taken advantage of.
but as i've grown over the years,i realised we are all with our faults.
some people are just weak.and i'm talking about Dad here.
he loved his books,but he loved his women more.
BUT he never ever loved my mum less than any woman out there.
if he did,would he not have married them too?
it is true,love,true love covers a multitude of "things"
this is one thing i wish i had learnt when i was younger.
if i had,i would have opened up more to my dad,loved him more,reached out to him.
instead,i carried my mums cross,bore her pain,cried her tears and hated him.
BUT deep inside i loved him.
BUT one day i snapped.
and i never showed him that love till the day he passed on.
what a life i say.
what a life
in that town "running splash of rust and gold".
Mum met Dad,and they tried for a little bit before they had me.
wasn't the best looking baby,i was told,but damn,did i grow into my looks.
nowadays i hear "wow" "damn" etc.YES,even i know God did a damn good job on me.
so much for ugly duckling eh??
Dad..hmm..my daddy,daddy mi.my number one love,it went wrong,but he still stayed my number one love.
he became one of the best in his fields,celebrated all over the country.a bit of an "aristocrat" if you get what i mean.noble background as far as african nobility goes.and not in that sense of "everyone is called ade and everyone has a king for a father"
he was a true blue blood.
Mum,the strongest woman i know.became a domestic engineer(i just love that word).
she was pushed to her limit,yet like the phoenix,she kept rising.at a point in my life i hated her.that is the truth.but it was borne out of an obsessive love for my dad.
i think in a way i had a sort of electra complex..in a way i said.
but with time the truth started to unfold,the scales fell off.
and i realised that my dad wasn't the perfect idol i saw him as.
i grew up hating him then.well deep inside i loved him more than my mum.but a part of me hated him for what he put her through.
oh yeah they lived the life.expensive trips,more expensive gifts,etc.but there was something just off.something was never right with my family.
it was like a three legged chair.,,but the type that's meant to have four legs.
it just would never stay balanced for long.
Dad was moslem,mum was a christian.
she was born to a poor or should i say basic family.
but she was principled.and atimes dads family tried to look down on her.thinking she was just the opportunist daughter of poor peasants.
wanksters.
Mum hustled to get to where she was before she met Dad.
NOBODY can say she never paid her dues in life.
and even when she met Dad,he didn't have much.He was one of those types who wanted to make it on their own.
and boy did he..
He lifted his family name.and through him,we became known.
Some have said she was just the spoilt wife of a "rich" man.
hmm..if only they knew.
where they there when the pocket literally dried up?
Everything just wasn't what it looked like.
atimes even I felt like i was peering through a key hole into MY own life and watching everyone else carrying on.and i wondered.W.T.F. is going on.?
and i kept on wondering...as events unfolded.
what a life.
theirs was some romance story.
maybe one day i might say it.....
but one thing i learnt from them is that atimes love runs deeper than what a lot of us see or think we know.
let us cut out all that "if my man cheats on me,i will leave his ass"
there are some people in this world who were just born to be together.
no matter what.
no matter what.
Mum loved Dad with something none of us understood.
i hated her for that,because i saw it as a weakness.
like she was being taken advantage of.
but as i've grown over the years,i realised we are all with our faults.
some people are just weak.and i'm talking about Dad here.
he loved his books,but he loved his women more.
BUT he never ever loved my mum less than any woman out there.
if he did,would he not have married them too?
it is true,love,true love covers a multitude of "things"
this is one thing i wish i had learnt when i was younger.
if i had,i would have opened up more to my dad,loved him more,reached out to him.
instead,i carried my mums cross,bore her pain,cried her tears and hated him.
BUT deep inside i loved him.
BUT one day i snapped.
and i never showed him that love till the day he passed on.
what a life i say.
what a life
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